traveller encore

travelling the world
being a foreigner –
in awe almost anywhere

By chance, it seems, I have today cracked open an old familiar side in quite a new way – and I still only sense vaguely what that is all about.

My theme of travelling (in and all over) the world goes back to an intuition at age 7 from which point I literally could not wait to get away from my family of origin.

In my late 20s, I came to understand that I was acting out of my parents’ own desire in doing so, not simply reacting to puberty or emotional abuse (transgenerational response).

There is another aspect that came into focus today. It started with a surprise feeling of being alien in respect to a matter where I had not expected to do so. Sick to my stomach, I decide to stick to my practice of corpse position (shavasana) from yoga plus a few stretches – such as the ‘Happy Baby ‘ position. My lower back supported by 2 tennis balls (B48 to those of us who speak Acupressure), nausea subsides. I am fine. Following Matt Sanford*’s suggestion, I sense my being rather than the position itself. I AM.

My unique position, minus a couple of eccentric role models is that aloneness. Like the boy in my first grade reading book at school, like the girl about that age looking out on the open road ahead (an image I use for some of my web presence). So there. Denial of what has been staring me in the face.

By chance, it seems, I have today cracked open an old familiar side in quite a new way – and I still only sense vaguely what that is all about…

Only the recognition of that leaves me ready to cherish the few connections I do have, really cherish them. And leaves me free to say a clear NO to interference, with my being, as I recently had to – even as it came with love.

And even a Buddhist teacher’s (unasked-for) parting message makes fresh sense now, 25 years later.

On my own.

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*yoga teacher, adaptive yoga, see youtube etc

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https://www.buymeacoffee.com/4tomorrow

~ by Barbara S on September 27, 2021.