at the end

after 6 hrs electronic paper work for my court case (with not an iota of justice in sight – with me and no legal rep against the Govt, finally done, I grab the shears and mow a small patch of my wild flower meadow that needs it, I have decided. An hour to sunset and the thermometer has gone down to 30 C in the shade, so my little table fan is still busy.

sitting in the orchestra –

not playing,


Wearing lose-fititng soft clothing that will go on the washing line for airing overnight, I let myself be hot. No bother. Who’d have thought that 12square metres of a meadow would add to my contentment.

Suddenly I am thinking of my mother who would be 96 if she was still around. Thinking of the concentration camp survivor’s daughter I met, I wonder whether mother will have taken a similar route into psychosis or dementia. “She never took an interest in anything…” said the daughter. Not quite the same, but mother’s interests were not real, but twisted after decades of denial. I could not help her if I wanted to live which I did and do. So much.


~ by Barbara S on July 17, 2021.

3 Responses to “at the end”

  1. what would you get if you win your court case? besides justice?

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