Sitting, rejected – Nov 1985

• Theresa of Avila described her condition once as ‘I am dying because I m not dying’. There was a yearning in her that could not be fulfilled within her.
• That is not quite my scenario.
• I was sitting on a cushion, brimming full of love, rooted in me and around me; yet all I got to hear was the protagonist who sat opposite from me: I can’t help you – for whatever therapeutic purpose that may or may not have had for her, she had to repeat that over and over.

Because, and you may have guessed that by now, we were acting in a Psychodrama workshop. The protagonist had selected me to play her needy sister. Little did she know that she gave me the chance to come home to myself, in a manner of speaking, that would be with me for the rest of my life, and the door really opened only after the scene had finished, we had a break and I took the chance to go for a walk during the foggy November village, passing the cemetery. It was there, that the clarity I had enacted truly hit me. And 35 years later, I am still adding facets of an understanding and perhaps, hopefully, a tiny bit embodied reality.

Solitary

from top to toe –

straightening out so slow

As a young teenager, being bullied at school my walks in the fields down the road from my parents home, in the afternoons, had saved me. The solitude had saved me, even then.

However, other Moments have clarified and reaffirmed the direction over the years and decades.

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originally published in 2021, updated on Jan 2022

~ by Barbara S on January 6, 2021.