Flat-foot traveller in limbo

A multitude of things to do to update my profile, put feelers out and plan the next stage of my life, for the third day in a row, I find myself – doodling, browsing most of the time I have available online per day. I seem unable to snap out of it.

This morning, on my bike, I passed a woman in her car as she was waiting at red traffic lights. She called out to me by way of greeting. I could not see her dog in the back. She told the group on Saturday that he had all (but one) of his teeth out, age 5. She expressed twice how she welcomed me and hoped I would stay.

So, now I can walk about as appreciated. I can.

After some unsuccessful attempts at finding an easy bed-time read in the library, I found yesterday Debbie Macomber, apparently an old one, about small-town Dakota. The style and characters suit my current mood and the sense that small-town life has not changed one iota – seems fitting: Only the world-climate it happens in, suddenly hangs like a dark threatening cloud over everything.

The sentence that stays with me from a Jewish feminist friend’s posts, reflections from a Jew in the US: We must not laugh away as ridiculous threat, as happened, with different contexts, in Germany in the early 1930s in England at the beginning of the First World War – but take it seriously.

For me, that means taking seriously my contribution to social justice, standing upright, not hiding and moving forward.

Waiting then, in between, is difficult, as I want to push and pull developments. Always still the question, do I care for myself as much as for my projects? Which unproductive habits to drop?

So waiting turns conscious: – a surprising prayer – to no one in particular, about nothing in particular, a bewildering equilibrium, anchored nowhere.

~ by Barbara S on November 15, 2016.

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