Rooted to the Spot – Nov 1985

 

Here I was, at 31, attending my second week-long residential feminist Psychodrama course.

The first one, a few months earlier, had opened my eyes to that which I had always sensed but not known, known but not acknowledged, felt deeply but not been able to put into words.

Now it was about trying out different roles and practising that new-found inspiration…

I found myself sitting cross-legged opposite another group member, protagonist of that scene – she had chosen me as her needy sister. In the role of her sister I had to repeat, again, again, ‘but I need you’… whereas she kept shaking her head: “I can’t help you…”

At the same time, I felt Warmth, Love, Presence flooding through me, being held by it – beyond belief.

For the protagonist, the scene was somewhat unresolved. She simply left.

Our trainer, fortunately, left me alone during break time where others might have commented on ‘hard work’. So I  went for a walk through the village, on a foggy November afternoon – walking with that unnamed Fullness and Presence, beyond words.

I passed the village church.

 

rooted to the spot,

at the cemetery gate:

tomb stone inscription

sinks in

 

 

~ by Barbara S on June 11, 2015.

2 Responses to “Rooted to the Spot – Nov 1985”

  1. It was not then, standing there, but later when reflecting and researching, that I realised something else about the moment – it reached back and forth, and always would – back to the first moment I knew of, in my life, where I had been resting safely yet standing upright – forward to my own death; back again to my first encounter with a woman near death. … and back and forth, and there – to the woman in the Nursing Home who asked me to hold her hand…

  2. Later again, reflecting on much research now, I also logged the categories I had encountered in and beyond that moment:

    A sense of self, given rather than found
    based on relating to another
    yet again an encounter
    while at home in the universe

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