Deep Blue

In my dark blue lit space there are three windows, one at either side and a door at the fourth. The East looks out to the tree laden with golden red sumptuous fruit. The West lets the light in from a picture by Caspar David Friedrich. The North holds me in the window looking out to the Dark Night, my arms spread to hold the crossbar.
The South leads me out, and as I walk through the door, extortionate pain in my knees brings me down. I can feel my fibula in both lower legs breaking, outward from the top.

My Psychodrama Teacher called this scene my golden key in 1987.


~ by Barbara S on March 10, 2013.

5 Responses to “Deep Blue”

  1. My feminist psychodrama teacher in whose workshop I created this scene called it my golden key to happiness.
    I never had the opportunity to ask her what she meant, and now, almost 30 years later, I think, if she had told me, I still might have had to work out my own meaning.

  2. Psychodrama opened a world for me. It gave birthright to my being. The acknowledgement of inner world, the ability to find meaning, comfort and reconciliation in old pain and conflict, brought to light a presence beyond presence I had always felt – but never had been able to express other than in eccentriciy.

  3. I still remember my sense, during my first residential workshop with the same teacher who later saw my golden key, seeing her on stage with an accepting presence, of a deep and calm confidence: I can do that, not that, and not like her (an outgoing fiery temperament), but: I can do that too.
    Later I learned that she had been trained in the tradition of tha late Karlfried Durckheim, who had lived in Japan and through the meeting of cultures, especially with Zen Buddhism, had developed a concept of faith as existential and deep authenticity of the wounded healer.

  4. Apart from the riddle – Why the pain when moving south? – theree is something odd in my installation of the archetypal blue room: The fact that I placed what I believed to be Eastern Light in the West, and the richness of autumnal fruit in the East instead. The confused lefthanded person in me at work?

  5. Raimon Panikkar’s post-theology speaks of Reality being its own Symbol. that, for me, is one of the ways of trying to describe the experience of reality-on-stage I am referring to here – nothing special yet transformed from beyond. – A good friend shared a dream once with a similar connotation: “I was on stage and still very much concerned with what was going on – yet I realised, the light falls on to the stage from beyond it…” (KM in personal communication, ca 1992)

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